I was talking to my friend JH on the phone. We were introduced by a mutual friend a while ago. Although I quickly found out (from him) that we are "irreconcilably incompatible," he has being a cool person for me to bounce ideas off of. He is so ready to come out to DC and visit, but I don't know where he would stay. I have three other roommates, and that would be an interesting situation to explain to them, especially since I am not out to them. In fact, the whole "out" status thing has been the subject of most of our conversations as of late. The biggest thing I'm worried about is how I actually do it, and how I navigate my relationships, especially with my roommates if they know this information. Do I have to hear them in hushed conversations talking about "sissies" and whatnot that would (hopefully) abruptly end as I enter the room? I don't know how to deal with all of that.
I don't know how to define myself as a gay men, because I'm still confused on a lot of things. What about being a black man? A man in general? An only child? I have so many different categories for myself, yet none fit me well, nor do I know have to wear any of them adequately. I don't know how to dress, I don't play basketball, I am very soft-spoken, I can be a loner. Does that make me bad or strange or just different, or just lik everybody else. I have spent much time worrying or deliberating on how to stay positive and just be myself. How many times have I written that? lol
Mood: good
Listening: Liar by Madcon
Random Quote:
Response:
Don't rush yourself...let time take you where you should be...
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, friends stay over friend's houses all the time. U don't think breeders have sleep overs? Please. Having your friend stay over is a non-issue. Second of all... who cares?!?!? This is only temporary housing. If they have a problem with you.. FUCK. THEM. When you're confident with yourself, there is nothing they can say to you. I'm not saying you have to tell when who you prefer to sleep with because that isn't going to make a difference in anyone's life. But don't compromise yourself for a group of people whom you may never see again.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if they're ugly. Because the opinions and points of view of ugly boys hold less weight than someone who is cute to moderately attractive. Like, seriously.
"I don't know how to dress, I don't play basketball, I am very soft-spoken, I can be a loner. Does that make me bad or strange or just different, or just lik everybody else."
ReplyDeleteThere's not a damn thing wrong with you. It sounds like you need to build up your self-esteem and self-confidence. It also sounds like you don't quite know who you are yet. That's ok man. A lot of people don't know who the hell they are (especially dudes), so they cover that fact up with money, muscles and machismo. That doesn't make them better than you are.
Like gayte said, don't be in a rush. Just relax and enjoy the journey of finding yourself. Think of it as getting to know someone and falling in love with them, except that someone is you.