Monday, June 15, 2009

Musing on Things …


Drip, Drip, DRIP. Our faucet has been leaking all DAY, and it's driving me insane. Of course there is close to nothing I can do about it, just one of those things you have to let go. I have been in the "district" for about a week now, and it's been good. The dorms at GW are, well, they definitely leave something to the imagination. Our room was pretty dirty when we got here, but it's starting to feel normal. It's been so hot and humid in the fanless bathroom that my bath towels don't even dry at night. My roommates are all really nice guys, and I love that they aren't psychotic frats or players bringing girls in here every night. What I also enjoy are the walks to work in the morning. Something about a man in a suit, with a well groomed face, and a smug look of self-important. Yeah. Hot. Every morning there are at least 3 guys I see that make that walk in the morning sun worthwhile.

In my job today I thought I was making progress on research project. But after a few talks with my boss and my mentor, I am back to square ONE. It's very frustrating because I have to go back, retrace my whole though process, and come up with a new research question. Meanwhile, I can barely stay awake during our meetings, and I am trying to budget the lunch issue. I don't know how people afford lunch. Like 8 dollars for a sandwich/main items, not including a drink. Maybe I'm cheap, but that is a LOT to me lol. I'm confident that my project will work out, but in the meantime, I have to do quite a bit of leg work to catch up on things. I just wish I had a summer, or a month, where I had absolutely nothing to do or care about. Where I could just relax, and enjoy exploring a new place, with all the time I wanted to relax and just be. That would be paradise lol.

There was this FINE dude working at the Safeway bagging groceries. He had the best lips and that sleepy look in his eye, and developed muscles in his arms with the slightly bulging veins. Yeah, that tease … Knowing my luck he is probably straight . I tend to only find straight men attractive, especially when they are with a woman. I don't know what it is lol, but that is the truth. I am only attracted to men that are straight. I know it's definitely not a rare thing for a gay man to go through, but at the same time unproductive to my development right now. What is it about men that I know to be gay that I don't see as attractive? I think it is that something within them that I see in myself that I don't like. But there are always things in them, bascially gay expectations that I don't see in myself. There are definitely gay norms, and the black gay norms are perhaps even more conflicted. I'm not tall, I'm not athletic, I have a dreadfully average build, yeah. Not much in the looks department, but we all have to make a way, right? How do I attract what I want? How do I even know what I want? The issue is just trying to be more accepting, of my own shortcomings and those of others.


Mood: Cool

Listening: Actually watching that Television spin doctor Nancy Grace

Random Quote: Man, you're healthy, your in shape

Response: Oh EV, you are such a tease …


  1. 8 dollars is way too much, i cant even afford to go to zaxbys but once every paycheck. so i cant imagine spendin 8 dollars a day on food.

  2. $8? hell nah. I still think ur attracted to their confidence.. u just need to meet more gay men in this city cuz there are plenty who give you str8 but are anything but. I know what u mean tho... fine men make life just a bit brighter.