Last post on this guy, I hope …

It was a cool, rainy day today. I got caught in a little of it walking to work lol. Even as I was walking to work, I was still thinking about JG. I was wondering if I should cave and call him or just let him drop out of my life. This always happens to me. When people are in my life, I try my hardest to push them away, but when they do leave, for better or for worse, I end up feeling bad. I talked a little big to SIXTYNINE about it, and this is what he had to say.

[23:47] ExaminedLife: i need to change out of my work clothes lol
[23:47] SIXTYNINE: lol
[23:47] SIXTYNINE: i'm ni my undies
[23:47] ExaminedLife: haha
[23:47] ExaminedLife: should i even be surprised
[23:48] SIXTYNINE: i hate pants
[23:49] ExaminedLife: haha
[23:51] ExaminedLife: can only imagine what you will be up to
[23:51] SIXTYNINE: talking to The girlfriend eating pizza hut
[23:52] SIXTYNINE: you don;t like it when i talk to you and jack it
[23:53] ExaminedLife: I'm not the one who would
[23:54] ExaminedLife: save that for Mr. CHOCOLATEDROP
[23:54] SIXTYNINE: wow
[23:54] SIXTYNINE: where'd you dig out that skeleton
[23:56] ExaminedLife: you're memory is mighty short
[23:57] ExaminedLife: that was two months ago lol
[23:57] ExaminedLife: *your
[23:57] SIXTYNINE: you musta found him on the Columbia Law school fan page
[23:57] ExaminedLife: funny
[23:57] ExaminedLife: that would be JG SORRY ASS
[23:57] ExaminedLife: he that still has not called me BACK
[23:57] ExaminedLife: but I'm not bitter
[23:57] ExaminedLife: ..
[23:58] SIXTYNINE: yeah right
[23:59] SIXTYNINE: CHOCOLATEDROP est maintenant fan de Columbia Law School.
[23:59] ExaminedLife: who?
[23:59] ExaminedLife: CHOCOLATEDROP?
[23:59] ExaminedLife: ain't nobody worried 'bout weasel eyes
[23:59] SIXTYNINE: uh huh
[23:59] ExaminedLife: i was talkin about JG lol
[23:59] SIXTYNINE: i was saying from earlier
[00:00] SIXTYNINE: i know who JG is and I'm still in disbelief that you can take somelong to get over a bad person no longer liking you
[00:00] ExaminedLife: haha
[00:00] ExaminedLife: he's not bad
[00:00] SIXTYNINE: see
[00:01] ExaminedLife: well, it's complicated, i don't knwo
[00:01] SIXTYNINE: i mean a bad friend a bad confidant a bad mentor
[00:01] ExaminedLife: i do carea bout him
[00:01] ExaminedLife: damn
[00:01] SIXTYNINE: a person who's bad at being loyal bad at being there for you
[00:01] SIXTYNINE: bad at compassion bad a eloquence bad at understanding
[00:02] ExaminedLife: damn ... ok ...
[00:02] SIXTYNINE: not a bad person
[00:02] ExaminedLife: he was alright. I mean, I don't know
[00:02] ExaminedLife: i liked having somebody check up on me everyday
[00:02] ExaminedLife: and joke around with about bs sometimes
[00:02] ExaminedLife: and talk about planning with
[00:02] ExaminedLife: and who is also gay
[00:03] ExaminedLife: i mean, come on. That is like needle in a haystack
[00:03] SIXTYNINE: easy come...
[00:03] ExaminedLife: it wasn't exactly easy come
[00:04] ExaminedLife: but the going definitely was for some reason
[00:05] SIXTYNINE: well it's over now
[00:05] ExaminedLife: and it sucks
[00:05] SIXTYNINE: oh is this another game
[00:05] ExaminedLife: i miss my mentor lol
[00:05] ExaminedLife: huh?
[00:06] SIXTYNINE: weren't you mad at him
[00:06] ExaminedLife: yeah
[00:06] SIXTYNINE: so how did this become you begging for him to take you back in his life
[00:06] ExaminedLife: but i didn't ask to cast him out
[00:06] ExaminedLife: i haven't
[00:06] ExaminedLife: that's why i haven't spoken to him since
[00:07] SIXTYNINE: but you're mad he won't call you
[00:08] ExaminedLife: i'm disappointed
[00:08] ExaminedLife: damn, it's like a relationship, but not
[00:09] SIXTYNINE: that he proved himself to be what he already proved himself to be
[00:09] ExaminedLife: like, if somebody literally called or texted you everyday
[00:09] ExaminedLife: and then just stopped
[00:09] SIXTYNINE: if Karl Trusdale did that, his discontinuence would be shouted from the rooftops
[00:10] SIXTYNINE: or micha or anyone else i didn't like
[00:10] ExaminedLife: wait, huh?
[00:10] SIXTYNINE: just b/c someone contacts you doesn't make them a friend
[00:10] SIXTYNINE: just b/s someone is a friend doesn't make them a good one
[00:11] ExaminedLife: well, i appreciated that consistency
[00:11] ExaminedLife: that is now gone lol
[00:11] SIXTYNINE: and just b/c the other person lets go first doesn't mean it should have always stayed together
[00:12] ExaminedLife: i guess
[00:13] SIXTYNINE: i mean, maybe you presented the worst of both of us to each other or w/e but I have never been fond of JG and I'm not sorry to see him out of your life
[00:13] ExaminedLife: haha
[00:14] SIXTYNINE: I don't have all the answers for you either (although I love pretending I do)
[00:14] ExaminedLife: well, i probably didn't present a fair representation
[00:14] SIXTYNINE: but I didn't like seeing you care more about someone than they cared about you
[00:14] ExaminedLife: but i miss his texts and calls none the less
[00:15] SIXTYNINE: so what was it that you wanted: a friend or a fan?
[00:15] ExaminedLife: he didn't exactly cheer me on lol
[00:15] ExaminedLife: he would just joke with me, or talk about himself
[00:16] ExaminedLife: and i didn't mind it to be honest
[00:16] ExaminedLife: .. most of the time lol
[00:16] SIXTYNINE: well good with the bad and all that
[00:17] SIXTYNINE: just don't go wanting what don't want you
[00:17] ExaminedLife: clearly
[00:17] ExaminedLife: that to me is like the whole of black gay men rejecting me
[00:18] ExaminedLife: because that is what he was for me lol. Like a microcosm of all the experiences, and wants, and ideas that I don't have
[00:18] ExaminedLife: concerning 'the life'
[00:19] SIXTYNINE: but why want to buy in so despretly to a system that doesn't want and doesn't understand you
[00:20] ExaminedLife: and what are my other options
[00:20] ExaminedLife: be alonw
[00:20] ExaminedLife: be alone?
[00:20] ExaminedLife: that's all i have
[00:20] ExaminedLife: or rather, all i could
[00:20] SIXTYNINE: no
[00:20] ExaminedLife: that is my demographic
[00:20] ExaminedLife: and my demographic
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: just don't be a homothug
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: or a dl brotha
[00:21] ExaminedLife: rejected me
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: or a oreo fag
[00:21] ExaminedLife: huh?
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: or anything
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: just be you
[00:21] ExaminedLife: a black gay man is what i am
[00:21] ExaminedLife: i wasn' t even going there
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: but you know as well as I do that that is not just one thing
[00:21] SIXTYNINE: or two
[00:22] SIXTYNINE: or ten
[00:22] ExaminedLife: i was just saying that for me, JG represented the life
[00:22] ExaminedLife: and the life said that i was bitchy and wanted everything to go my way
[00:22] ExaminedLife: and then didn't call me again
[00:22] ExaminedLife: what do i take from that
[00:23] ExaminedLife: that i literally have no peer group that i can belong to
[00:24] SIXTYNINE: why do you need a peer group
[00:24] SIXTYNINE: can't you just have peers
[00:24] ExaminedLife: that's where they would come from ...
[00:24] ExaminedLife: peers from peer group
[00:24] SIXTYNINE: is that how you found me
[00:25] SIXTYNINE: I don't belong to your peer group
[00:25] ExaminedLife: you do, sort of
[00:26] SIXTYNINE: key word sort of
[00:26] SIXTYNINE: you sort of belong
[00:26] ExaminedLife: but you don't know any more of the life than i. I just appreciated having somebody that has been in my place, and hearing about his experiences and ideas
[00:26] SIXTYNINE: you can't find identity and meaning from ppl that are 'kinda' like you
[00:26] SIXTYNINE: and you got that
[00:26] SIXTYNINE: so what else did you need from him
[00:27] ExaminedLife: i just wanted to hear from him
[00:27] ExaminedLife: that's all
[00:27] ExaminedLife: i haveway like the nigga dammit
[00:27] ExaminedLife: with his craziness and all lol
[00:28] SIXTYNINE: well that's another story
[00:28] SIXTYNINE: for another time, lol
[00:29] ExaminedLife: it's just weird
[00:29] ExaminedLife: and i'm here, and again, as in atlanta
[00:29] ExaminedLife: i can't even really enjoy it
[00:29] ExaminedLife: so what's the point
[00:29] ExaminedLife: i can't even get a damn hit for sex on damn bgc

And that was it. So that is where my mind is right now. Still on damn JG.

Mood: alright

Listening: Searchin' for my soul by Amel Larrieux

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