Friday, January 9, 2009

Waiting On My Jet Plane

No whining and no complaining.

I'm going to stop saying to myself the same BS that I have been for years. I can't constantly see myself through a lens of pessimism. On the one hand, I do not want to ever be considered as conceited. I have enough pompous people around, some that I am friends with, to know when to check myself in that respect. But through my experience, I have come to be a person that more easily finds fault that fortune. I can criticize myself and others to death, but I often cannot even give a compliment to somebody or pride myself on something. What is the source of that? I have a terrible memory, and I don't remember most of my childhood beyond basic things. Something or things happened over time that have closed me off, caused me to adopt a high level of neuroticism and negativity, both toward myself and toward others. I can complain and make snide comments about myself, and put myself down before I feel that others will.

I have been hanging out with BLACKFRAT, and his two other friends LITESTREET and ABERCROMBIE for most of the break here in LA. Generally, the conversation drifts from them reminiscing about the elementary school, to talking about girls, to the failed business ventures they have tried in the past. BLACKFRAT and I have been friends for a while. We went to the same high school, and we used to play tennis together years ago at Rancho. He is a likeable guy, and what I have come to admire and respect about him is that he can talk to ANYBODY. He is well-connected within L.A.'s tiny "elite" black upper middle class, and a smart guy as well. He also can be extremely pompous, and arrogant. He loves getting complements, and he will never, EVER let you win an argument or have anything said about him that isn't positive. Just last time, I was talking to him and LITESTREET and somehow he felt it necessary to say "I've always had the softest skin, I don't have to wear lotion." Oh. My. God. Dude. He makes comments like this all the time and it just begs the question, do you hear yourself?? Maybe this quality about him that annoys me the most is something that I can learn from him. I can be less self-defeating, and more self-promoting. Perhaps not to the degree that he has taken it, but to a level that says that I am confident.

1 comment:

  1. Do you still play tennis?

    There is a middle ground between being confident and conceited, and Im glad to hear you moving in a direction of positive thinking and self acceptance.