Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A skewed perspective

Although I am California born and bred, I am loving the cold weather. The colors changing in the trees, and the brisk chill in the air make me feel energized. Of course, I am also remembering the hot and humid oppression that I endured in New York, Boston, and Atlanta this summer, so I am embracing the fall and winter weather. I'm heading to Philadelphia to visit friends at UPenn for Thanksgiving. I'm not looking forward to being in a much colder place. Apparently my friend plans to set me up with one of his frat brothers (eyeroll haha), so I'll see how that goes ...

SIXTYNINE texted me saying he missed his bud, so we out to get something to eat. I'm still furious with him, but I am learning to bit my tongue on this things. He's been there for me numerous times in the past, so the least I can do is hear him out and spend some time. I did make friends and interpersonal relationships a priority on my Mission Statement, after all. He is one of the first people I came out to and I do have a certain comfort level with him. I just have to spend some time AWAY from him every once in a while, so he doesn't drive me insane.

His whole thing seems to be, yet again, trying to boost my confidence and telling me that sex is the answer. Now I just zone him out on those things, and not discuss that with him. I can't get mad at his opinion. Would I mind something right about now, NO haha. But, I'm not going to become another DL cruiser, the AUC is already full of those. When he asked what I was looking for in a guy, I said: cool, funny, confident, taller than me, smart, ambitious, and different. Then he says "Oh, so see you are a narcissist dater. You want somebody exactly like yourself. You need to realize that you are just fine and ..." he went on and on. Dude, whatever. Psychology majors, they always have the answer to all of your problems, but barely have their own stuff together.

Mr. BIGGIERICH is at some conference in Oregon, and I'm been talking to him about his trip and stuff. Recently, I think I've been getting a vibe from him that he is interested, but he is so guarded and quiet about his emotions that I could be wrong. I joked with him about his finding a mountain man or the Brawny man to bring back to Atlanta, and he laughed along with it, and suggested I should come with him next time. Mmmm ... which is interesting, because he generally acts nonchalant towards me face-to-face, but over the phone, he is basically a big flirt. He'll make sly little comments, and make sure I have to come to his office before I see the boss. For some reason, he left me a voicemail with the number to the hotel and his room number. Things that make you go Mmmm...

I reactivated my long dead BGC account
, and again I have just about given up on the whole online thing. I don't know if my profile is too boring, or I am too picky, but either way, I get no love on there. I try to send messages with genuine questions and anything more that the proverbial "wat's gud" but I am rebuffed yet again. I explicitly make it clear that I am not looking for sex, mainly friends and I am open to more. But I realize that BGC is a culture all it's own. There are the profiles of guys who just want to get the most votes for Sexiest Mixed or Best Thug, the dick/ass out shots that have obivious goals, the pretty bois that want attention from those they deem worthy, and a lot of variation in between. Rejection here is easier than in real life to be sure, but still hard.

Mood: Good
Listening: "It's Over" by John Legend
Random Quote: "You are so cute. How old are you? I just want to pinch your cheek" - random chick from Emory
My Response: Ok, I'm 20, and I have a 5 o'clock shadow. How young could I really look?

1 comment:

  1. I hate cold weather, except for about two weeks a year. I like to go home to Chicago for Christmas, take in a little snow, and then leave it all behind and come back to the south.

    Online dating is a trip, but it's the times we live in. There's a lot that's bad about it in terms of the shadiness people show one another and how it reduces our interactions with one another to hedonism. But I wouldn't get too discouraged if I were you. I NEVER thought I would start something serious with someone I met online, but me and this guy connected one night, really enjoyed each other and have been together for over two years now. Our relationship hasn't been perfect of course, but it has let me know you can find substance amidst the clutter,