I really love fall in Atlanta. It doesn't get as cold here as it does in most other places in the country, the sun is still shining most days, and you can get the winter feel without the snow. Even today, the wind was whipping outside and I loved it. Even as my RA dragged half the dorm out the building for a fire drill and tried to give us residents some holier than thou lecture about the importance of safety and attending meetings. Ok, my RA is too gay to function, and it is hilarious to me when I see him try to take this authoritative, masculine tone. Not that a gay person can't do these things, but still, you have to see the guy. He is short, with that snake-like look akin to Miguel Nunez (from Sparks and Sparks and Harlem Knights), and wears the perpetual earring. But after the meeting I stayed in the room and took some much needed blogging time.
Going back in the dorm, I am thinking about my relationship with SIXTYNINE. We are fairly good friends, but sometimes he angers me to the point that I can't see to look at him. Although I have my own issues about bisexuality, I just often find myself at odds with him on most things. Selfish as it is, I don't think I get anything out of the friendship and vice versa. Although SIXTYNINE is much more open about his sexuality, in truth his sexuality is secondary to his personality. He is personably, amiable and charming, and has other characteristics that make him hard not to notice. The issue for me is that his personality and his opinion are just too overbearing for me right now. I don't need somebody telling me what they think I need and what I should be doing. I'm tired of hearing that the answer to all my problems is sex, and I am tired of being your secondary friend. I hate that. I'm not demanding of others, if I were I wouldn't call myself lonely. I just need to feel that my friends genuinely respect me, and that we share certain things in common. I don't laugh with SIXTYNINE, and a lot of the time I feel that our conversations are strained and contrived.
I went back to the house, where I found OLDGIRL cleaning up, and I went upstairs and fell straight asleep. My sleeping schedule has been kind of whacked lately, some days I sleep for 4 hours and some days for 8, and I know it's probably wrecking havoc on my body. I haven't been eating right or working out, so I have to get back on track in terms of my goals for my body. This last week was so crazy for me that I am just glad to get the chance to rest and reflect. I realize now that there is so much more that I need to be doing, there is so much in terms of classes, grad school, THE GRE, my social life, my health, club responsibilities. It's a lot to keep track of. If I want to make these changes and develop something, it starts with me. So, I'll go reread my personal statement, correct all the grammatical mistakes, and tell myself that I will live by it.
Mood: Spaced Out
Listening: The random NewNowNext stuff on LOGO