Monday, August 24, 2009

La Dolce Vita

SIXTYNINE came back, horny as ever. Since he is finally 21, we decided to head out to some clubs for the local nightlife. At first he had wanted to go to Blake's, so he could dance to disco and house and party with white folks. But we both didn't really care, and eventually just settled on the club promoted by Atlanta's most popular (I guess?) black gay promoter. I have driven past this place numerous times, and it appeared usually packed, line out the door, but today, it was a breeze. I've only been to a few clubs in my life, but I'm always surprised at the difference between 18+ and 21+ clubs, like those three years make a hell of a difference. Compared to some others that I have been to, *cough* TRAXX *cough*, this one was more laid back, dudes were all nice looking, great music, and all around great atmosphere. SIXTYNINE immediately became the target for all of the tall guys in the room. So he had a good time.

All of my party and social experiences in the past have been I went to the party with some friends, talked to them for a minute, then they go off and I become a wallflower. I can't tell you how many awkward walks past dance floors and refreshments I have had in the past, but it's been a lot. I would find somewhere to be posted, get a drink, and that is that. No talking to others, no dancing, a bit of drinking – nothing but strained waiting until the other people I came with were ready to leave. I don't know if I just don't have quite a developed enough personality or what, but that has been every party experience lol. With this in mind, I didn't expect a lot to happen for me at the club. And it didn't lol. I guess I expected some dude to just spot me out of the crowd, whisper something perfect in my ear, and everything else would fall into place. Yeah right. I saw plenty of men that I was attracted to. And I did nothing. I got drunk off of a blue motherfucker, and a margarita. The bartender politely smiled and called me sweetie as he took my LAST 8 DOLLARS lol. I stumble through the club after, probably not looking very attractive or even approachable lol. And that was it.

I admit I was more than a little jealous that SIXTYNINE got more attention than me. But, then again, I wasn't surprised. My apprehension toward these types of events stems from one dull experience after another since I was 13. This is an area that I want to focus on, meeting people at events. Not just in the club atmosphere, but whether it be a cute guy at the bookstore or at an event on campus. Damn, I wish I had a little of that natural charisma that some people do. But you know what? If I want to change it, to become someone else, then I have to work on it. I don't want to radically change who I am, I just want to learn and polish up those parts of myself that I have been neglecting. My level of confidence and social skills are two of them.

Mood: Ok, just HOT

Listening: watching True Blood rerun

Random Quote:



  1. I wonder if you can't be bothered because some part of you knows it is a waste of time...mostly anyway?

  2. Just found your blog. I can't wait to read your earlier entries. Keep them coming!



  3. I stumbled on your blog last nite, and I believe I have read every entry.
    I find your story to be interesting and shockingly similar to mine.....Keep up the good work man. It's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one out there attempting to deal with all these challenging "issues." Especially living in the City of Atlanta.

  4. Child something has got to give. This is too repetitive in nature. Baby what do you want? I dont think you even know by the looks of these entries. I mean where is the prize? Do you have your eye on the prize?

    You see you keep wishing and hoping and praying but baby thats not helping you. You have got to chance it and get your trial and error on. If you never get out there and try, what do you expect to happen for you? I mean I know you understand its just not going to magically happen with a guy coming up to you, but if you never make a first move, how will you ever know?

    And I know its hard not to be a little jealous, but you must get over that quick, green shows up too easily in your face. Also, You need to find your niche so when you walk into a room, its noticeable, cute, and fun to other to want to explore. It will be like YOUR own personal man magnet.


  5. I just found your blog too and I'll be reading it regularly now. Wonderfully written and honest!