Monday, April 21, 2008

Ok, so I happen to have a crush on somebody. It's so high school-esque but I do. We'll call 'em PUPPYEYES because they happen to be one of his best features, and they get me every time. He's usually in study hall, and I have spoken to him a few times, but it's never been really personal, and always across the table. I think he's a little out of my league, but I will attempt to at least let him know how I feel. I used Honesty Box on facebook...

Ok, that was a punk (the definition of the word I have come to know, before the Life) thing to do, I know, but I feel somewhat overwhelmed. He is nice, without all the attitude and uppity-ness that some gays have here. But he runs with that fashion set. You know the type, never leave the room without moisturizer or lips shining (GOd, I hate that. Of course it's better than chapped, but damn!!), designer everything, and have to make a statement everywhere they go. Of course, that shouldn't stop me, I should know what I want and go after it, right?

PTALL told me that I shouldn't be moving backwards at this point, considering it has taken twenty years to get here. And he's right, but man, I just can't handle the rejection, or the acceptance. I'm not in my most attractive state right now. Acne scars have marred my otherwise good complexion, and I'm developing a beer belly. I keep telling myself that I will take the time to fix it, and everything else in my mess of a life, but it just never seems to happen. I want PUPPYEYES to see me as someone attractive and deserving of affection.

Perhaps, what I need is to convince MYSELF of that first ...

Mood: waiting for nothing to come
Listening: "Leyendecker" by Battles
Random Quote: "Poor ghettos and slums are too entirely different things: slums don't discriminate by race ..." - Dr. Aka, Professor of Urban Studies
My Response: How about we get rid of the word ghetto, PLEASE! Then, please explain to me a rich ghetto, because I'm lost ...

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