Monday, October 5, 2009

Back to Life, Back to Reality

So the rains have started, stopped and restarted again in Atlanta, and most of this weekend saw those perfect, beautiful clear blue skies that beg for picnics and days at the park. Fall is here. Those cool breezes will turn stronger and colder, and the temperatures will steadily drop. I didn't do a lot this weekend, but I did reflect a lot on my life, I consulted my advisors, and I am learning to better evaluate where I am and what progress I have made. The vast majority of my posts on this blog, I attempted to analyze my perceived idiosyncrasies with a fine-toothed comb, and done nothing with the information. I seem to just spit out my feelings of inferiority, negativity, depression, anxiety – basically every dark part of myself. I have made the complaints, send them out to the world, but the complaints are with me. I have to get up, and do something about it. I have allowed myself to feel comfort in my shortcomings, wallow in them, and live day to day like a hollow shell waiting to be cracked at the first instance.

I have spent an undue amount of time obsessing over things and people that do not care or affect me in anyway. In the second grade, my teacher made us write in this reflections book, and I have kept it to this day. As a little kid, I wrote then that one on my problems was "breaking my shell and reaching out to other people." I guess that phrase, the more things change, the more they stay the same, is true. I have heard it from too many other people, bloggers included. DO SOMETHING. BE SOMEBODY. No matter how much I opine about being somebody else, I can't. I can only be me, and I always have to live with me. That's not such a bad thing. There are some parts of myself that I love, and I'm learning to love every part, and discovering the parts I didn't even know were there.

Mood: Calm

Listening: "Job Hunting" by Mama's Mustache

Random Quote: "Money doesn't matter to me. Nor does skin color, or what continent she was last on. It just so happens that some of the girls who are cultured/beautiful enough to chill with me are like that." – J.C.

Response: It's too big, it's too wide ... ya'll know the rest