These young men that have been thrown out in the media – that have ended their lives to escape the pain and frustration of their sexuality, you all are me, and I am you. It's true when they said that "loneliness is like a heartbeat that drives you mad." Much of my youth was plagued by feelings of despair of the person that I was. Gay, short, not attractive, unathletic, black, dark … I could have listed a million things that made me hate who I was and fear that I was barred from future happiness. So I wish that me or anyone could have reached out to you, consoled and mentored you. Someone to let you know that you are fine and that anybody else's idea of normal is a twisted, flimsy fantasy that is more transparent than the insults and the lies.
There are so much people in our society, in our cities, and even our families that are alone. They feel like they don't have anyone to share themselves with or anyone to see the value within them. Those feelings were magnified in the young men that took their lives, but they are in many of us dealing with issues in our lives. There is so much coming at us through media, religion, or the values of our society that tells us to walk a narrow line and define ourselves by what someone else deem appropriate. I think we have to learn that there is no such thing as appropriate; we have to define ourselves for ourselves. No one can provide the answer or heal us until we undergo the work to heal ourselves first.
If you are suffering and feel the pain of isolation in the mess of daily life, take a moment to breath. Tell yourself that you are human, you have a light, and you are deserving of love, from others and more importantly from yourself. Don't live behind your fears, anxiety and self-hatred. Let it go and begin to live. I'm still learning these lessons myself, it doesn't get easier, but it does get better in time.
This happens so much to many lgbt youth. To think, we were both in the same both, contemplating life. It really does get better, the only thing is that the necessary support is needed. It's understandable to feel like there's nowhere to turn, but it has to be known that there are others suffering as well. We made it out, but unfortunately, others have not. I think it's still a matter of reaching out to those that we may feel are going through something because some won't speak up. All we can do is keep faith. Thankfully, you and I are still here. Hopefully, we can inspire those that are contemplating suicide to give life a chance. I can testify to that.
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